Boys and Bludgers
by CallaBunny
Summary: Lily Evans dreams of something more than going to Beauxbatons and learning how to be the perfect housewife. So she sneaks her way into an all boys wizarding school in order to play Quidditch and train for a meaningful career. Lily learns a lot more than she bargained for...LJ.
1. Temporary Insanity

**Chapter 1: Temporary Insanity**

"Ughhh," a pile of blankets moaned as they slowly wiggled about on the floor.

Bloody Hell.

I am never_ ever_ consuming another ounce of alcohol again in my _life._

A sudden (not to mention loud!) _thump_ next to me alerted me that I was still quite alive and capable of hearing. I thought my constantly ringing eardrums had told me differently.

"Who's der'?" I mumbled against the floor, completely unwilling to move another muscle.

"Lil-eeee? 'Dat you?" I muffled a cry of pain as the voice's owner poked my ribs questioningly.

Oh thank merlin, it's not a bloak.

"Abigal Morrison, why have I not murdered you yet? You great prat; find me a sobering solution." Boy is it hard to talk against a floor while your head has it's own pulse.

"Mmmph," a small bottle bonked me on the rump as I begrudgingly shuffled around to grab it.

Gulping the contents as fast as possible without spilling them, I opened one bleary eye to analyze my current partner in crime.

Dear Lord, I hope I don't look as bad as that…thing lying on her bed.

Feeling the potion course through my body and ridding myself of all those horrible side effects of hang-overs, it began to dawn on me that I had hardly any clue as to what happened last night.

"Well, I'm taking the whole 'no bloaks in the room with us' as a good sign, but I can't recall anything after those first three shots at the muggle club," I slowly confessed to Abby with a confused frown.

How do I not remember ANYTHING!

Giggles promptly ensued after my comment, and Abby fell down on the other side of her bed.

Confused, I looked down at myself. No bruises that I could see, and my clothes were all still attached; nothing that bad could have happened, surely.

Now, really ,that girl had better stop convulsing before I hex that giddy look off of her face.

"Merlin, Abby, did something happen? We only went out for a few hours to dance; I've never blacked out before. What's going on?"

Abby painfully grimaced from the affect the laughter was having on her still lightly pounding head while she turned to face me almost guiltily.

Good thing I'm already sitting down, because I promptly fainted after her next comment.

"Erm, well you see, Lily. Half way through the night you kind of well…hey, I tried to stop you! But you grabbed the bartender's scissors, cut off all your hair, told us to call you Leo, and said that you were going to Hogwarts this year because you're a boy now."

* * *

><p>Bloody Hell.<p>

"I DID WHAT?"

Merde.

What in the name of Merlin is wrong with me!

I was currently pacing back and forth in my friend's bedroom as her comment finally sunk in. I was only out for about ten minutes after fainting, which gave Abby plenty of time to get me some chocolate and for my brain to start recalling everything that happened last night.

"Lily, it was funny! Really! Mind you, I had absolutely no idea about your longtime drunken wish to be a boy, but really, everyone found it almost charming!" Abby rambled on until she saw me stop in front of the full length mirror, looking horrorstruck.

"Now just remember, I know a ton of hair spells and it'll grow back in no time! Literally-" she was interrupted by my earsplitting shriek.

AHHHHHHHHH!

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Now, Lily-"

"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! IT'S GONE!-"

"-Now, remember what I said about those spells-"

"-WHY WOULD I CUT OFF MY HAIR?-"

"Well, you _were_ super drunk, which I apologize for, by the way-"

"-WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE A _BOY?_ NONE OF THIS MAKES-"

"-I know you're not a big drinker and a total lightweight, so I shouldn't have pushed those shots on you-"

"-SENSE! NO SENSE AT ALL! I'M A GIRL. AND, HOGWARTS? DON'T GET ME-"

"-But it was our first hoorah of the summer, and I wanted to start it right! Please don't hate me forever, 'cause-"

"-STARTED ON THAT SCHOOL! A BUNCH OF ARROGANT GITS WALKING AROUND LIKE THEY OWN THE WIZARDING WORLD! OH PLEASE, THAT'S JUST-"

"-I love you so much, and we're such good friends! I just couldn't stand losing you! Besides, I think you have a really inspiring reason for going to Hogwarts, and I'll totally support you no matter what! Even if it means my bestie will be a cross dresser for awhile-"

"-DISGUSTING! THOSE BLOODY TOE RAGS-Wait. What? What do you mean 'reason for going to Hogwarts?' Abby, I was drunk and stupid and this is _so embarrassing!_ All of those muggle boys probably think I'm a freak now…."

Thank Merlin for chocolate. I can't imagine how I'd be reacting if I wasn't biting into it every free breath I had.

"Uh, Lily, do you even remember last night?" She eyes me cautiously from the seat she had perched on her bed.

Did I remember? I remember walking into the club to celebrate the start of summer…and having a shot pushed into my face….

"Well, _vaguely…"_ I tried to concentrate.

* * *

><p>- FLASHBACK -<p>

_Lights flashed and speakers busted at the seams as dozens of bodies were moving about out on the dance floor. It felt more like hundreds from my spot near the DJ's stage._

_Sweaty bodies. Ugh, so unappealing._

_Wondering hands and breath tickling my neck, I knew I had to move before I threw up._

_But I was having the time of my life! Dancing with my best friend to some great songs that I'd never heard before, while making eyes at pretty much every guy I saw._

_Don't judge me; I go to an all girls' school for 9 months a year._

"_Lil-eeeeeee! KEEP DANCING! DON'T STOP!" Abby all but screamed at my face, flicking spit all over it while she was at it._

"_AB-ABBERTS…ABBERTS? ABBERS! They're playing my song!" I jammed to the beat (or what I thought the beat was) while whiping her saliva out of my eyes._

"_This is your song? That's so amazing, let's do another shot in celebration!" Abby wailed to the entire crowd, but only those closest to us could even hear her. A boy right next to us shouted in agreement and went to get the shots, while I just kept jamming my hips and head to the beat._

"_Lilyyy, why are you twitching like that? You should be dancing!" Abby slurred into my shoulder when she stumbled._

_Well, so much for my jam._

"_I ammm dancing! This is my groo-oo-ooove." I swished my hair back and forth, like I've seen girls do in some of my favourite dancing movies. I was having a little trouble seeing anything but those shiny blue and yellow lights._

_Why are they so bright?_

"_Where is that guy with our shots? I wanna celebrate!" Abby called to me._

_Why am I not wearing shoes?_

"_What are we celebrating?" I was confused, we're supposed to be dancing!_

"_Our womanhood!" Abby hooted proudly._

_Womanhood. Evil thing, really. Boys have it so much better than girls._

"_What's so great about being a girl, Abby? I hate it sometimes!" I wailed through the music._

"_What are you talking about, Lil-eee? Being a girl is amazing!" Abby was slightly put off by my suddenly serious expression._

_Hey, I can be serious while I'm drunk._

"_No. No, Abby, boys are so lucky; they get everything! They get to play QUIDDITCH and train to be GOOD jobs like aurors and dragon trainers! They don't have to learn stupid things like sewing and curtseying! They get to learn real things like Defense Against the Dark Arts! We're stuck at stupid Beauxbatons learning to be housewives, while they get to go to Hogwarts and play quidditch and train for real, meaningful jobs!" I ranted in the middle of the dance floor._

_Abby looked a little dumbfounded. And confused._

"_Abby, it's not fair! We've been trying to start a quidditch league at Beauxbatons for _years_ but Mrs. J'daire won't have it! All we have is that measly club that isn't going _anywhere!_ I want…I want a real job! I want to catch evil wizards and help fight in this war! I don't want to go to school just to get a husband and be his pretty little housewife; that's not why my parents are sending me to school to be a witch!"_

_Boy, I'm a pretty philosophical drunk. Maybe I should think this stuff over when I'm sober. Yes, I'll definitely remember to do that tomorrow morning. Wait, no. No! I have thought about this enough! I want to act now! I don't need to be a little housewife, I can be my own witch!_

_Abby, who had kept a blank face all the while I was talking, suddenly pulled me over to the side of the club and sat me at a table._

"_Lily, you're SO right! Being a girl is so stupid! You rock at quidditch! Wait, what are we talking about again?" She broke off as she suddenly lost track of thought._

_I suddenly started to burn with determination. It was possible! Why had I never thought of it before? Nothing was stopping us…._

"_Abs, we're not going to take this anymore!" I bravely stood up and put my foot on my chair, pointing to the sky, "We don't need to! Why do only boys get to go to Hogwarts? We can, too!"_

"_Lily," Abby suddenly looked put out, "we can't, though! It's a boys only school…."_

_My sudden flame of inspiration started to dwindle as the obvious hurdle stood in my path._

_Lightbulb._

_I grinned maniacly at Abby, all sane thoughts definitely gone from my head that was currently completely fogged by alcohol._

"_Then we'll be boys!" I cried, as it dawned on me._

"_Uhh…what?" Abby looked on warily, "I don't like where you're going with this…."_

_I was completely come over with glee, why had it never dawned on me before? Hogwarts is an all boy school…we're girls…so we need to be boys. It makes _complete_ sense._

_To a drunk._

"_Well, not _really_ boys!" I excitedly explained to Abby through my euphoric state. "We just have to act like boys, and dress like boys! We can play quidditch, learn real subjects, and get real jobs! It's only for two years, and then we'll graduate and be girls again! It's so fool proof!"_

_Apparently it didn't dawn on me then that nothing is fool proof when there's a fool planning it._

* * *

><p>Oh my giddy Aunt.<p>

Did I really say all of that stuff?

"It was quite inspiring at the time, Lily," Abby eyed me with concern from her bed. I was now sitting on her window seat trying to absorb my insane thoughts from the night before.

"What in the name of Merlin…" I mumbled to no one in particular as I thought through my speeches again.

"I even wanted to do it!" Abby went on enthusiastically, "I was so ready to hop on the Hogwarts express and do everything you were talking about. Now, I realize how much my parents would kill me if that happened, and how I'm already engaged to Philip. Not to mention that I'm completely content getting that job opening a new robes shop at Hogsmeade. But last night, I was totally into it! I was ready to grab those scissors and cut my hair with you, if I hadn't been so-"

"Wait!" I cried, realization crossing my face, "my hair!"

I grabbed at it again. It was cut a little ways below my ears in some sort of crazy mop. I tugged at it helplessly, wondering what in the world I could do about it.

"How did this even happen?" I cried despairingly.

"Well," Abby sprouted a smirk suddenly, "that's where the night got _really_ interesting…."

* * *

><p>- FLASHBACK -<p>

"_Oh my gosh, Lily, that plan is a-maze-ing! I so wanna rule the world with you! Think of all the cute boys, too!" Abby was practically gushing._

"_Wait, hold up! WE have to be cute boys, too! Oh no, they'll know we're girls!" I paniced suddenly, trying to find a blanket or something to hide my breasts. "Don't let them see your chest! They'll _know!"

_Abby giggled as she grabbed onto her chest, thinking she was successfully hiding it from view. Instead, several of the males in the area around them were giving her curious or intriguing looks._

"_We need to look like boys, Abby!" I cried, looking around me desperately. This could not be happening, all of these people were going to rat us out!_

"_Wait, Lil-eeee, these are MUGGLES! They don't knowww!" Abby giggled._

_Oh, right. They don't even know about Hogwarts, so they can't rat us out!_

"_Well, in that case, let's get ready! We have a lot to do before term starts!" I glared around the club, searching out a trusted tool of choice. I set off on a determined path towards the bartender, with Abby following still getting odd looks about the way she was gripping her chest._

"_MICKEY!" I yelled at the bartender, "Mickeyyyy! We need you!"_

"_Well, that's something I always love to hear," Mickey winked as he leaned over the bar to the two girls._

"_Ladies," he smiled, "what can I do for you tonight?"_

_Abby giggled and clung harder to her chest. I gave her a sideglance, but decided there were more pressing matters._

"_WE NEED YOUR TOOL, MICKEY!" I demanded for about twenty people around us to hear. I had a job to do, and this dizziness was _not_ helping me think straight!_

_I was getting a _lot_ of odd looks right now._

"_Excuse me?" Mickey was used to dealing with drunks, but even know he was a little thrown off. Then he suddenly smirked in that oh-so-charming-cause-I'm-the-guy-who-gives-you-drinks way and said "I mean, if you-"_

_Oh bugger._

"_Mickeyyy, you aren't listening! We need your scissors, please!" I commanded._

"_Oh no, ladies," he chuckled, "I don't know what you need them for, but in my experience, drunk chicks and scissors do _not_ mix."_

_Hey, I said the magic word! Why wasn't he giving me the darn scissors!_

"_Mickey!" I pouted. I'm not sure how the pout was looking, as I was too plastered to really put any effort in, so it probably came off as me puckering up my lips. "Please! I wanna be a boy!"_

"_Oh, no you don't," he clucked, dealing surprisingly well with a girl who basically just declared she wanted a sex change. "Now run back to that dance floor and keep having fun, you two."_

"_But we don't _want _to have fun, Mickey," Abby cried. "There are more pressing matters in the world, and we want good jobs and quidditch! Now give us the damn scissors, so we can be boys!"_

_Mickey suddenly looked puzzled, with probably more than one reason. For one, two girls were claiming that they wanted to turn into boys, talking about future careers, and making up silly words. If they weren't so adorable he might have sent them home right at this moment for there's and everyone else's safety._

_As he was busy mulling over his thoughts, I lost absolutely all patience and leapt over the bar to where I saw his scissors were. Okay, so maybe I stumbled, rolled, and slumped over the bar with the help of Abby pushing me over instead of leaping, but the point still stands. I grabbed the scissors despite Mickey's cries to stop, and leapt (fine, stumbled) back onto the bar._

"_Ladies and gentlemen! Your attention, please!" I cried into the crowd, my resilience back and ready to change my future for the better._

_The music kept blaring, but I did catch a few people's attention. Abby had finally let go of her chest and was looking curiously up at me. Her head was wobbling slightly from the change in perspective._

"_I, Lily Evans, am tired of the life laid out before me!" I jeered to the crowd. They all looked back puzzled. Nothing was going to hinder my celebration for my newfound future, though! "I don't want to be a silly little housewife! I don't want to sew and cook and do laundry all day long! I want to fight evil wiz-err, crime! I want to learn real subjects and find my place in this world!"_

_The crowd was starting to get riled up and began cheering for me. "Hear, hear, Lily!"_

"_I'm sick of being a silly little girl who gets told everything to do," I cried, thrusting the scissors above my head almost reverently._

_Some people gasped, others just cheered me on. Abby was sitting on a barstool, grinning up at me like a maniac._

"_You go, Lils!"_

"_Yeah, sexism is stupid!"_

"_But I love girls!" Okay, so the last one wasn't a cheer, but it still kept me going._

"_So, I'm done being a girl!" I proclaimed as I grabbed a handful of hair and brought my scissors to it. "From now on, I'm a boy!"_

_Snip._

_Ten inches of hair fell to the ground._

_As did my inhibitions…or what was left of them._

* * *

><p>Bugger.<p>

Oh no…oh no, oh no, oh no!

I was so pale, I'm pretty sure Abby was concerned that I had a chocolate frog stuck in my throat.

"What happened after that, Abby?" I asked, slowly turning towards my friend.

"Well," she eyed me cautiously, "you basically crowd surfed for a few minutes with everyone cheering for you, then finished cutting your hair before Mickey stole the scissors back. Then you gave this long speech to a table of us about your ultimate plan."

"Ughh," I groaned, face back on the floor as I felt it heat up, "and what might that plan involve, exactly?"

"Oh, pretty much what I said earlier. You changed your name to Leo, declared that you were going to Hogwarts to join the Quidditch team and train to be an auror. It was pretty funny watching the drunk muggles listen to you talk about things like that. They didn't seem fazed at all. I'm sure you could have mentioned Santa Claus and they would have believed you!" she laughed at the insanity of there actually being a Santa Claus in the world.

I was too shocked and embarrassed to move from my spot face planted on the floor. Mickey's club was where Abby and I would go every once in awhile over holidays, so we had made quite a few friends there. I'd never gotten as intoxicated as last night, but I could assure you that I would never show my face there again.

"Umm, Lily?" Abby timidly questioned from her spot on the bed.

"Yes?" I replied, wondering if last night could have been any worse.

"You were really passionate last night about everything you were saying, and your eyes got so alive when you talked about quidditch and becoming an Auror…" she paused for a moment, "have you been thinking about this a lot lately? Going to Hogwarts, I mean?"

I sighed, wondering the same thing myself.

"I guess I've thought about where I want my life to go, and how I'd get there. But, Abby, trust me," my eyes pleaded with her silently "I never _ever_ considered crossdressing as a boy to do the things I wanted!"

"Oh, Lily, I believe you!" Abby assured me right away. "I just can't help but notice that your drunken idea…well, it makes sense."

She had stated it so clearly and easily, that I was wondering if she was still drunk from last night.

"Abby, are you _insane!"_ I cried at her, "It doesn't make sense at all! I could never get away with being a boy…and I wouldn't want to! I'd be breaking a law, for sure, and I would hate Hogwarts anyways! They're a bunch of prats, and I wouldn't last a day there!"

"Lily, dearest, since when have you not been up for a challenge?" Abby laughed, but then turned serious again. "Besides, the boys at Hogwarts can't be _that_ bad. I mean, compared to those girls we put up with at Beauxbatons every day. Isn't the risk worth the reward, though? You'd get to play quidditch and train to be an _Auror!_ That's amazing, Lils…I think it's worth breaking a few laws."

I laughed almost manically, suddenly. Literally just rolling across the floor, wondering how this conversation had gotten to this point.

"I cannot believe we're actually discussing this," I eventually gasped out to Abby who had been eyeing my warily. "Oh Merlin, that was a good laugh, though. Me…a boy…going to Hogwarts" I continued to giggle.

Once my laughing subsided, Abby just looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "I'm not joking around, Lily. I know it sounds crazy and absurd, but please promise me that you'll seriously consider it. You complain all the time when we're at the academy, but I really think you would love it at Hogwarts. Just think about it, okay?"

She was looking at me so imploringly, that I actually wondered if it _was_ possible. I've read books about girls disguising themselves as boys a few times, but that's all it was. Fiction. Not real, and not me.

"Okay, I promise," I managed to get out through my whirling thoughts as I wondered where exactly I'd be heading this coming fall.

Whatever happens in the near or distant future, I will always plead temporary insanity for that night in the club.

**A/N:**

**Weird enough for you? Despite what you may think, I was **_**not**_** drunk while writing this. I'm not sure how the drinking even became a part of Chapter One's plot. I just knew I wanted to do a story with Lily going to Hogwarts as a boy…and this is what ended up popping out!**

**Like it? Hate it? Just let me know. ;) Chapter Two coming soon.**

**Always a pleasure,**

**Bunny**


	2. Merde

**Chapter 2: Merde**

I stared unblinkingly at my reflection in the mirror. Thoughts of that night just two short months ago still frolicking through my mind.

I played with a strand of my long, yes _long_, auburn hair. Thank Merlin for charms, or I would have been a complete, hairless wreck this summer.

I'm not even sure why I was still considering it; going to Hogwarts, that is. It made absolutely no sense; I had no future there.

Except that it held the exact future I wanted.

I'd read all about Hogwarts for my Society class at Beauxbatons. We read about the most prominent magic schools in all of Europe, but Hogwarts held a special interest to me. The boys there had one of the finest Quidditch leagues in the country, and even held their own Quidditch Cup! They offered a variety of areas to study in, all of which lead to a highly esteemed profession. The academics, leadership, and history of this school absolutely entranced me. I'd read _Hogwarts: A History_ at least three times last year while I was doing my research.

Then there's everything that I've overheard from my classmates about the fine young gentlemen.

Oh, fine young gentlemen my arse. If only their parents knew what the girls at Beauxbatons have been saying about them. They are apparently quite the womanizing crew.

Yet they hold the hearts of every suitor-crazed witch at my academy. Trollops, the lot of them!

It was just crazy, the whole thing! Abby had made me promise to think it over…and believe me I have, _more_ than enough.

I just could _not_ see myself getting out of this alive! Let alone getting _into_ it alive….

A cross-dressing witch weaseling her way into a respected institution such as Hogwarts would most definitely not go over well if she were to be caught.

And caught I would be.

But…but there was still something so _tempting._ These boys were given every opportunity in life that I craved. Two more years in Beauxbatons would surely send me off to St. Mungo's, especially after knowing that I had a chance like this.

What would my parents say? I can already hear my mother's distasteful voice, "_Oh, Lily dear, how could you? Do you know how much this will hinder your chances of finding a suitable husband? I have half a mind to throw out any possibility at all right now!" _Followed by my father's disappointed stare filled with thoughts of where he had gone wrong with his youngest daughter.

They'd be absolutely horrorstruck and probably too embarrassed to show themselves in society for a little while. This thought suddenly made the entire scheme sound one hundred times more enticing.

Looking to the clock and seeing that two hours had passed since I had stepped in front of my mirror in the first place, I sighed as I headed downstairs to the parlor.

Curse you, Abby, I thought as I padded down the steps, I have given this much more thought than you probably expected.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, I found myself strolling down Diagon Alley with Abigail Morrison attached to my hip.<p>

"Abby, I really don't see the point of why we couldn't do this shopping in France! They'll have all of the supplies, and someone might remember me from here," I nervously clung to her arm as I tried to hide my face from anyone I suspected could go to Hogwarts.

I cannot believe I was doing this. Hell must have frozen over, because I was actually going along with this stupid, stupid plan!

I looked up to the sky. Nope, no sign of any mud slopping livestock that have suddenly sprouted wings.

Plus, all of the eight pinches I have given to my arm since I'd woken up this morning definitely hurt and I was beginning to see the start of a bruise.

"Lily, stop being so silly! We have to shop here, because they'll have the right fashion and supplies that you'll be needing! Plus, you can start picking up the habits of locals and practice being a boy," she reprimanded me since I haven't stopped complaining since we had picked up the floo powder. "Besides," she went on while looking around at the crowd, "no one is going to recognize you after your make over, and I really want a chance to see some boys before I head back to that rotten witchfest for another nine months!"

I eyed her warily, before letting my eyes glance over all of the shops. Britain certainly did have nice taste, I'd have to admit that. They were a little behind on their fashion, but that's nothing I couldn't deal with. I wasn't exactly big on keeping up season to season myself.

I had spent the better half of the morning fixing my hair into an intricate style of braids, even fitting some small daisies into certain places. Determined to enjoy my last day as a girl, I had also worn some of my cutest dress robs, they were a green a little paler than my eyes. We had a lot of work to do, as tomorrow morning I would be leaving for the Hogwarts express. There was a makeover to be done, school supplies to be bought, and habits to be taught.

I suppose I had officially decided the previous week that I would not forgive myself if I just continued to be plumped up like a cow before an auction at Beauxbatons. Abby was over the moon about the entire ordeal, and just couldn't wait to get started planning. She had forged the writing of my mother (not hard with magic, mind you) and sent a letter to Headmaster Dumbledore explaining that her wizard son had been attending a foreign boys academy in France until the family decided that Hogwarts would be a much better fit. Lily had grudgingly taken the name Leo as her drunken self had suggested, much to Abby's delight. "There's even a house with a lion as their mascot," she had claimed, "it must be fate!"

Truth be told, after reading _Hogwarts: A History_, Gryffindor had been Lily's immediate favourite.

"Alright," I conceded while heading into the nearest shop, "but we are in and out of this place as quickly as possible, because we really need to work on my appearance! I want this day to go as smoothly as possible."

"Sure thing, Lilypads," Abby smiled. "Just a little shopping, then some butter beer, and finish off the day with a sex change. What's not smooth about that?"

The day did end up going fairly smoothly, despite some unpreventable mishaps. I bought some casual male slacks and shirts under the questioning stare of the shop owner, looked like a cow when I stocked up on chocolate, and spilt butter beer down some poor lady's front when I tripped over a little boy's new owl cage. The owl ended up breaking free of the cage, only to flap over to me and peck my face apart, therefore stunting my profuse apologies to the old bat.

Ugh, but the day was _far _from over.

After removing the talons of death from their surprisingly tight perch on my nose and cheek, I turned back to the lady now soaked in butter beer.

Sacre Bleu!

She does not look happy…

I mumbled a few apologies in French, which only caused her to look confused, then high tailed it out of there.

I crashed through the front door of the pub into the wonderful, sunny day outside.

Yes, sweet freedom! How I've missed you!

BAM.

Ends up sprinting out of a door into a crowded street, then continuing to twirl around with your arms held out in joyous celebration is _not_ on my list of bright ideas.

"Ow! My nose! Bloody hell, my glorious nose!" I heard a muffled cry.

Oh bugger, I'm not a klutz, I swear!

"Oh, for crying out loud, what is wrong with me today!" I rambled in French while knocking my head against the brick wall of the building. I continued to curse quietly to myself as I purposely rid myself of brain cells one by one.

The boy I had whacked with my celebration dance had stopped cursing, and grabbed my shoulder.

I only wonder if it was to stop me from giving myself a concussion or help me it myself against the wall harder.

"Woah, settle down there! It may seem like the end of the world, but my nose isn't worth sending yourself off to St. Mungo's for," he suavely reasoned with me as I continued to punish my forehead. "Well, I guess that's actually up for debate. My nose does happen to be one of my most charming qualities."

Oh bugger, I just had to accidentally slap the face of a conceited little twerp. I let out a groan as I managed to pound my head even harder onto the brick.

"Hey! I was just kidding…kind of. Look, there's no blood! It'll be fine! Now, get your pretty little face off of that wall," his voice started sounding really concerned as he pulled my shoulders towards him, "and we'll-OH MERLIN! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?"

I was momentarily stunned by how gorgeous this male speciman was that stood in front of me on the bustling street. That little moment came to a complete halt when I registered what he just yelped. His coal grey eyes and I-could-just-spread-you-on-a-cracker pouty lips twisted into a look of horror. A look of horror because of me _face! _Sacre Bleu! How dare him! I just went all bloody house elf on him because I felt bad, and he finds the _nerve_ to insult my delicate features on my last day as a _girl!_ Bloody prat!

"Well, excuse me," I scowled as I took a step or two back. "Not everyone spends two hours in front of the mirror every morning! Some people actually have lives to live without being all conceited."

I quickly looked over the fact that I had been in front of the mirror for two hours that very morning, trying to make the most of my last day as part of the female gender.

"No! Oh Merlin," his scrumptious grey eyes suddenly melted into a panicked look. "I didn't mean that! It's just that your face is all scraped and torn up. I shouldn't have let you go all psycho on the wall over there!" Suddenly his eyebrows went up in slight amusement, "I think I heard an accent. Are you French?"

I felt slightly intimidated by the fact that my face probably resembled someone who got into a fight with a werewolf, while my jab seemed to have absolutely no effect on his nose. Unless it looked even more perfect and defined a moment ago.

"It wasn't the wall," I explained after noticing that I'd been staring. "It was an owl. Yes, I'm French. Oh, and I'm terribly sorry about knocking into you! It was a complete accident."

"An owl?" If possible, his eyebrows had quirked up even more. I was feeling slightly dazed as I gazed over the rest of his features. His hair was black and shaggy. It looked like he used more hair care products than five sixteen year old girls combined. There was a seemingly permanent playful glint in his eyes (minus the second when he looked at my face…joy.) "I never knew they were violent. Do you get in brawls with owls very often?"

He was now smiling at me while holding an air of flirtation with his smoldering gaze. Boy, I have really spent way too much time at an all girls school. Seeing boys again while being sober is not so good for my hormones.

"Oh, you know," I commented as airily as I could, "I try to keep it down to once a week."

He laughed graciously at my horrible attempt at a witty remark, and I couldn't help but notice that it's probably because he was still calculating the probability of getting into my pants.

"So, Frenchie," he continued to smile while I heard a little ruckus in the pub behind me, "what brings you to Diagon Alley? France running low on owls to provoke?"

Despite popular belief, people from France don't actually enjoy being called "Frenchie."

"Oh, just visiting the city," I finally replied after racking my brain for an excuse once I realized I couldn't very well tell this boy that I was shopping for my future cross-dressing adventures. Technically, it wasn't a lie!

"Well," he put that devilishly charming grin back on while I tried not to melt into a puddle at his feet, "if you happen to need a tour guide…my name is Sirius Black, and I am absolutely at your service."

"Oh," I stuttered while looking around for anything to get my mind off the fact that I haven't snogged a boy in months, "I…um…well, you see…."

"At least grace me with the pleasure of your name, yes?" He winked at me.

He _winked_ at me!

My face is falling off and this boy still managed to find me somewhat attractive!

I'm in love.

Or slightly disturbed?

Nope, definitely in love.

Who needs a good education, anyway? Not me. Auror training? Nah. Quidditch? Overrated. Sign me up for cooking lessons, because I will happily be a girl for the rest of my life if I get married off to this man right now! Yes, this whole Hogwarts scheme makes absolutely _no_ sense.

If only I could find my voice to begin serenading him at this very moment.

I'm not sure if Merlin finally decided to have mercy on me or what, but thankfully Abby chose this time to come bursting out of the pub.

Oh, she did _not_ look happy.

I'm not sure if I've ever seen her face quite that red before.

The last time her eyes had that glint was when we got caught charming the Veela statues in the Academy's courtyard to act like trolls, and Madame J'daire gave us two months detention. Two months! Completely unjust, I still can't believe that…

I quickly raised my hands in surrender and started backing away from the raging girl who suddenly went all Veela on me. "I am _so_ sorry! I didn't mean to leave you in there, I thought you'd come out behind me! I just had to get out before that blasted owl and lady started coming at me again!" I rambled off in French as I tried to hide behind a random pole.

Abby seemed to breath more and more heavily as she clenched her fists tightly and hair stood on end, while she slowly advanced on me. She was cursing in French under her breath, as I cowered in fear trying to make myself as tiny as possible.

I had pulled out the puppy dog eyes, my long time secret weapon, but that had absolutely no effect on the witch in front of me.

"Do you have _ANY_ idea what you left me to die from in there? Do you know how long you are going to _suffer_ to make it up to me? That stupid owl had me hidden under a table to get away from it's evil talons once you scrambled out of there, and that old hag rounded on me! I panicked when I tried to charm her outfit clean, and I accidentally tore her shirt in half! I had to deal with a shirtless old _prude,_ a rangy owl, and a wreckless bartender screaming at me! Lily, I'm not FLUENT IN ENGLISH LIKE YOU! I had no idea what was going on, and I made a _complete_ fool of myself in front of the entire pub, which was half filled with bloaks our age! Merde, it was _so embarrassing! I'm going to kill you!" _She managed to keep her screaming down to a volume where only half of the crowd was looking at us. I think. I wasn't exactly looking at them right now. Feeling my face turn about as red as a clown's nose, I just prayed nobody else spoke French in this place.

We had completely forgotten about the handsome bloak I knocked the snot out of a moment ago.

"Oy, ladies," he cleared his throat as he managed to squeeze himself between us right as Abby's hands were inching towards my throat. "Mind you, I don't speak French, so I'm not exactly sure _what _the problem is here. But…uh…I'd be happy to buy you both a butter beer while we all talk this over?"

He smiled almost self consciously, while running a hand through his hair as we both whipped around to face him. Abby was still bearing fangs and I was shaking like a Energizer Bunny on ecstasy.

His forehead wrinkled a bit out of nerves as he looked back and forth from one girl to another, and I couldn't help but notice that his jaw had the tiniest bit of stubble that I would just _love_ to run my fingers over.

Ack! How am I still thinking about jumping him at a time like this?

"Um…no! No thank you, Sam…uh, Sean? No, not Sean. Steven? Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot your name! Thanks for not hating me, but we really must go! My friend here, she, um, well, she, uh, she has to go take her meds! Yes, that's it! Meds! She's terribly, um…bipolar? Bipolar, yes! She's a raving lunatic! We must dash, sorry again about the nose!" I babbled incessantly as I grabbed Abby's arm and ran with every fiber of my being away from the scene we'd caused.

I thought I heard him shout something after us, but I couldn't decipher what it was due to the viselike grip Abby now had on my arm.

* * *

><p>Despite what I would have predicted for my immediate future, I had made it to Abby's home safely and in one piece. Abby had vented and clawed at me the entire way to the floo station, and now we were lounging around her room after a sort of truce. I think most of the truce had to do with her wondering what I had talked about with that absolute hunky dish outside of the pub.<p>

"If you hadn't looked like you hexed yourself silly, I would have been so embarrassed by how disheveled I looked in front of him!" She gushed as she continued debating which facial feature was the boy's most prominent.

Disheveled, my arse. Abby had looked like a raging troll who had just escaped a twenty year solitary confinement and was finally allowed to hunt humans again.

But since those trollish eyes were no longer directed towards me, I would happily let the boy crazy girl think whatever she wanted.

"I'm doomed. If I can turn into mush in front of a boy that fast, they'll see right through my act at Hogwarts," I admitted glumly.

"Oh, don't be silly, Lily!" Abby turned towards me from her bed, "Now you've got it out of your system! You'll be ready next time! Besides, he totally had his charm turned on, which won't happen when you're a guy. By the way, what was his name?"

I racked my brain again, trying to remember his name. I am almost positive that it started with an "s!" I can definitely remember the way his eyes gazing, almost penetrating into mine, but I cannot for the life of me remember actually listening to what he was saying.

"Stewart? No, that doesn't fit him at all. Sam? Nah. Hmm, Simon?" I kept guessing, just grabbing at straws. "Nope, I just can't seem to remember it. Anyways, since we've gotten past yet _another_ obstacle and I'm still alive, shall we continue on with the mission?"

"I have half a mine to join you," Abby's eyes turned all dreamy again. "Going to a school filled with boys like him, it must be great."

"Yeah, if you're the gay one," I snorted. "Besides, you're _engaged_, Abby! Your life is totally planned, and you have quite the dishy bloak yourself to thank for it."

"He is quite yummy," Abby smiled. "Oh, I miss Philip already!"

"Okay, before you absolutely ditch me on my night of need to go run off to your future hubby, can we _please_ get started on turning me into a boy?" I pleaded the lovesick girl in front of me.

"Oh, I'm starting to get a little frightened by how casually we've been talking about this subject," Abby laughed. "Alright, well I've made a list of everything we have to do. It includes appearance, habits, boy slang, the type of new hobbies you'll have, and how you're going to fit into the social ladder at this new school."

"Oh, Abby," I started, "that's a little more intense than I imagined! I was just thinking I'd dress like a boy and go play some quidditch. I don't really need new hobbies or to have any sort of social standing…."

"Oh, no, Lily Evans!" Abby glared at me, "this is my project, too! I'm living vicariously through you in this adventure, and I will _not_ accept owls that report back to me about how you're a loner who spends all his time in the library and on the quidditch pitch! You're going to be my eyes and ears at Hogwarts."

"Abby! You can hear enough about what's going on from all the gossip at Beauxbatons! If I get too involved with people, it'll heighten the chances of me getting caught!" I countered to her.

"Oh please," she quipped, "it'll be even more suspicious if you're the new transfer who never talks to anyone. You've just _got _to make friends!"

"Ugh," I covered my face with my hands, "I have no idea how to be a boy, and we really haven't practiced that much!"

"Well," she said pulling out a piece of parchment, "that's why we have the list! Now, let's get started. First up, we're going to cut your hair. Now hand me those scissors!"

Oh Merlin.

I sat completely still as I stared at nothing right in front of me.

Cut my hair.

I had flashbacks to the last night that I cut my hair, and my _colorful_ reaction to it the next morning.

Yes, I'll most definitely drop my dreams of being an auror and playing actual Quidditch. I'll hunt down that boy I met at Diagon Alley and see if he's still interested. We'll get married, have loads of babies, and I'll be happy.

Yes, I'll have my head full of hair, so I'll most definitely be happy.

My thoughts were drowned out by the scream that came running out of mouth as I saw seven inches of my wonderful, _glorious_ hair go floating towards the ground.

For the second time this summer.

**A/N:**

**Hey everybody! Second chapter up, and I just thought I'd say my little piece. Let me know of any grammar mistakes you see.**

**This is my first real piece, so I'd love all constructive criticism or anything of that sort.**

**Enjoy!**

**Bunny**

**Oh, and **_**thank you**_** to my only reviewer, Pupluver43! This chapter is for you. :]**


	3. Double Bubble & Flying Pigs

**A/N: Chapter 3 is up! Hope you're enjoying the story!**

**Chapter 3: Double Bubble & Flying Pigs**

"No, not like that! You look gay. Argh, this is impossible!"

I'm not offended. I do like boys, anyway, so maybe "pretending" to like boys while I'm a boy is fitting for me.

I'll stop saying "boys" now.

"Why are you pursing your lips like that? Do you _want_ them to beat you up?"

Yes, actually, getting pulverized by a bunch of spoiled brats is my idea of a good time. Really? I have some class, thank you very much. Now getting mauled by them, well, that's a whole other ballpark.

"No, Abby. I'm just trying to restrain myself from talking because if you keep criticizing my walk, I will explode and say something I'll regret," I told her cautiously as I continued pacing the "catwalk."

The catwalk consisted of me walking down a glitter covered path with Abby's childhood stuffed animal collection watching me from the edges. While most of the animals stare at me happily, I know Mr. Teddy is a pervert. I can just see it in his eyes.

Abby refuses to believe me.

"Lily! You just need to focus, it's not that hard! Just forget your etiquette training, and start swaggering!" She looked like she was about to burst into tears. She also had the whole sex hair thing going on from pulling her hair out while watching me. Oh gosh, I hope her parents don't get the wrong idea about what's going on up here.

Honestly, I don't see what's so wrong with the way I walk. But I can't blame her for going a little wonky; we have been at this for three hours now. I mean, you just put one foot in front of the other. It's not that hard. Trust me; I've been doing it for years.

"Abby, there is nothing wrong with my walk! Besides, I'm going to look like a boy, so who will even notice my mannerisms?" I just had to reason with her, she was too insane at the moment to think clearly.

Kind of like me when I decided to go through with this whole endeavor.

"Lily, you're swaying your hips," she told me sternly "You _cannot_ sway your hips as a boy! Lean back a bit, slouch some, put your feet farther apart, become flat-footed, and act like you're about to get laid!"

Gross. How does one act when they're about to "get laid" anyways? Should I be smiling? Looking perplexed? Who am I doing it with anyways? Is it the right time? Do I love them? Is my breath okay?

I must've grimaced while I walked, because Abby suddenly let out a strangled cry and fell back on her bed. She had her eyes closed as to not see the rest of my beautiful walk.

That's more than a little rude. We were here for a reason, after all.

"Okay! Okay," she said, "now look at how Brad Pitt walks in this clip, and just _try_ to do what he does! Please, Lily, just _try!"_

She resumed turning on her TV (her wizarding parents enjoy the occasional muggle household item) and rewound the tape so we could watch the ruggedly handsome Brad Pitt walk down a sidewalk wearing his gorgeous suit and mysterious shades once again.

It was still as beautiful as the first time we watched it.

But once again, I was a little too distracted by his face to watch the walk.

"Lily, stop gawking! Now stand up. I'm gonna whip this walk into you if I have to!" Abby resorted to yanking my up by my arm and pushing my back to the other side of her bed.

"How am I supposed to walk with you pushing my around everywhere?" I glared at her.

"Okay, lean back…Yes, yes, that's it. Wait, not so stiffly. Be lose!...Yes, good good. Okay, now take a step…let your arms hang down…relax your face! You look so robotic. Don't stomp, just swagger…good, good! Hey, you're getting it!"

Hey, I _was_ getting it!

I was walking like a boy! I felt all of my girly troubles leave my mind as I just slinked around the room concentrating on looking good.

"Great, Lily! Or I guess I can't start calling you Leo now for practice? Okay, now let's step it up a notch! Give a little wave to a passing friend in the corridor," Abby instructed me.

I flipped my left hand out in a carefree manner towards a purple stuffed elephant as I continued sauntering along the perimeter of the room. Hey there, Monsieur Elephante.

Oh yeah, look at me go.

"Umm, well. Okay, we'll practice the waving later."

What is she talking about? That was _smooooth._

"Okay, Leo. Now throw a little wink to the girls you just passed in Hogsmeade!"

Threat Level Orange. Alert! Alert!

"What! Really, Abby? What girls?" I asked her alarmingly. Although I suppose my voice came out as more of a squeak. "Listen, I don't care what else happens, but there is _no way_ that I'm going to be hitting on girls while pretending to be a boy! _No. Way_."

"Oh, fine, whatever. But come on! Just throw out a little wink," she smiled at me.

"Fine," I grumbled. I might as well add charming to my list of personality traits that I'll be taking on as Leo. Charming really gets people places, especially in the eyes of a teacher.

I prepared myself as I rounded the next corner and started walking by Abby again. I pretended she was that gorgeous boy that I met at Diagon Alley the other day (I've since deemed him Loverboy since his name somehow slipped my mind) and I just said something super witty to him. He was a little thrown off and just stared at me in admiration as he wondered why he ever found such a wonderful girlfriend as me.

Of course, since I could read this all over his face, I had to give him a little something that showed he still had the attention of the ever-breathtaking goddess that was myself. So, being the _wonderful_ girlfriend that I am, I tossed him a little wink to prove that I still found him worthy of my presence.

This little fantasy was beaten to death as my daydreaming halted and I found Loverboy's rugged face filled with admiration replaced by Abby's horrorstruck stare.

Well, shoot. I was hoping she'd be a little more impressed by my womanly wiles.

"What. Was. _That?"_ She finally ended up forcing out through gritted teeth.

Oh, maybe she suddenly found me attractive and is confused by this sudden change in our friendship balance.

Oh Merlin, I dearly hope that is not the case. I _cannot_ deal with my best friend being attracted to me.

Oh wait, there was a question mark in her statement. This is the part where I respond.

"A wink," I told her slowly as if she was completely oblivious. I didn't _really_ believe her to be oblivious, but that's the only answer I could think of that made sense to the question.

"No. No, that was _anything_ but a wink!" She cried incredulously, "That was…that was…oh, Merlin! I can't believe you can't _wink!_"

What. I can wink! I just did! What is this crazy girl talking about?

"Lily, you looked like a diseased camel that has to sneeze but can't quite get it out. Your eye just kind of twitched for a bit."

She did not laugh after saying that, so I assume it was not a joke.

I'm a little hurt by that statement. Let's just say I'm glad I didn't try it on Loverboy the first time we met.

Maybe this explains my lack of romantic relationships.

"Oh." Yes, that's my brilliant comeback to being compared to a camel with a cold. I've never exactly been the best at comebacks. So what if I don't like hurting people's feelings? Sue me….

"Well, that's alright! Winking isn't that important anyways. You can get away with a little smile or something," Abby reassured me.

I'm going to die alone.

What! Where did _that _come from? Since when do I care about that? Oh, this entire day is just getting my spirits down.

Abby must have seen the look on my face, because she suddenly changed the subject.

"So, makeup! Now that the walk, wardrobe, mannerisms and all of that are complete we can concentrate on the makeup!"

Wait a second! Hold the phone.

"_Makeup?"_ I asked disbelievingly. "Makeup? I'm going to be a _boy!_ Since when do boys wear _makeup_? I don't even wear it as a girl!"

"Oh, Lily, stop being silly," Abby scoffed. "Your face is too girly! We need to man it up a bit! Maybe even add some facial hair…."

Woooah. Hold your horses. This is just getting sadistic.

"FACIAL HAIR? But I'm a _girl—" _I cried.

"Not anymore!" Abby "reasoned."

"Not all guys have beards! They—" I argued.

"But you look too girly!" Abby _interrupted._ "They'll take one look at you and go 'pretty boy.' Or even worse, they'll see right through your façade!"

"Well then I'll _be_ a pretty boy! I don't care what they think!" I stuck my chin up defiantly.

Abby just stared at me for a moment like I was a five year old who said he didn't care what his friends thought of him wearing a tutu.

"Fine, fine. You can be a girly boy," Abby conceded grudgingly. And quite rudely, I might add. "But don't come crying to me when you get made fun of for being a pansy."

"Oh please, they'll shut their traps once they see me on the Quidditch Pitch," I added arrogantly.

I rock at Quidditch, did you expect me to be modest about it?

Well think again.

"Whatever," Abby muttered. "Let's just move on to deepening your voice. With a squeak like that, you'll be packing your trunk before you even hit the Welcome Feast."

* * *

><p>Nervous. Yes, that's what I was feeling right at this moment. Every nerve in my body seemed to be doing a break dance, because I felt them all shaking.<p>

This was it. The moment of truth. This is the day I become a man.

I made sure to place myself strategically near a wastebasket in case I threw up.

My excuses were all in place. I left home telling my parents I was staying at Abby's for the remainder of break. They totally bought it. I kind of have this thing where I'm not so good at lying to people's faces. My eyes get super big, I turn all red and tomato-y, I start babbling, and my right big toe starts twitching. However, my parents never seem to notice. Probably because I can't remember the last time they actually looked at my face. Or toe.

Abby sent a (forged) letter to Madame J'daire, explaining the situation of how I was transferring to a new school closer to my parents. Technically, that was the truth. However, she probably figured that it was this Charms School for girls in Scotland and not an all boys boarding school. Don't let me ruin that little dream for her.

I stared at the building in front of me. King's Cross. It was pretty big. I mean, it was a train station after all.

I took a deep breath. I've taken twelve deep breaths so far since I've gotten here, and after each one I thought I'd take a step and go into the building. However, my feet seem to be glued to the pavement.

Now that I think about it, they could actually be glued there. I haven't moved in twenty minutes, but I've been willing myself to step forwards the entire time. Maybe this is some cruel trick.

I decided that I might as well test that theory.

I picked up my left foot and took a step forward. Oh. I frowned. I was kind of hoping to be stuck there.

After one more deep breath, I decided that it was time. I still had thirty minutes before the train left (I like to leave myself plenty of time for panic attacks) but I wanted to make sure I got there alright.

I picked up my right foot and took another step. Except…my foot did not move.

Curious, I thought.

I tried again, to no such avail. I grabbed my right leg under the knee and pulled a bit. It didn't move!

Well now I started to panic.

I was _actually_ glued to the sidewalk!

I glanced around at the crowd starting to form, oh no! I kept tugging on my leg, and my eyes widened realizing that I was going to miss the train!

Cue hyperventilating.

Oh Merlin!

I grabbed under my knee with both hands and pulled my leg up with all of my might. A strangled sound escaped my mouth, which caused a few curious glances, and I heard a sickening sound.

It sounded goopy, stretchy, and _stringlike_ all at the same time! Don't even ask me what that means, but it sounded super weird. Then I looked down in horror.

Gum.

I had stepped on gum!

Sacre Bleu!

My shoe had come up a few centimeters off the ground, but I could definitely make out the color of that pink bubblegum. It was one _huge_ wad, too. How did that fit in someone's mouth?

Well, now I was disgusted. But slightly intrigued.

I suppose I'd been standing on the gum for so long that it started to dry between my shoe and the pavement. Kind of fascinating if I hadn't been in this current predicament.

I glanced despairingly down at my shoe. I knew there was no saving this soldier, though. He had fought a good fight, but lost the battle. I slipped my foot out of the shoe, and began to scurry through the throngs of pedestrians.

I barely knew that shoe. We just bought him two days ago to go with my outfit. If only I could do magic over break.

I continued wheeling my trunk and cage into the station as I pulled out the train ticket Abby gave me-

**CRASH!**

-then I managed to run my trolley right into a brick wall as I stared stupidly at the ticket.

Is this a joke?

Was this entire scheme just some sick _joke_ to Abby?

_Platform 9 ¾._

Yeah, right.

I stood there for probably five minutes with wild thoughts running through my head. Then I just sighed, giving up. I was just silly to go along with all of this, of course it was a prank! Boy, she got me good.

I wheeled my trolley off of the wall and hastily turned around.

Bad idea.

**WHAM!**

Ow. That had to hurt.

You see, I say "had" because I was still standing perfectly erect, holding onto my trolley. However, the person that I just ran over was not as vertical as me. He was leaning more towards horizontal. I wonder if I should make a geometry joke right now. He probably wouldn't appreciate that, though.

I squeaked and closed my eyes, just willing this moment not to have happened. I started mumbling apologies, which he probably couldn't make out, and told myself that he'd get up and walk away in a moment because who wants to talk to a blabbering idiot anyway? Wait a minute, I'm not an idiot. Well, I mean, I did just plow into someone with a huge trolley. That's not exactly a smart thing to do….

Apparently I was muttering to myself with a thoughtful frown on my face for awhile, because all of the sudden he was standing right in front of me when I opened my eyes.

Tall. That's the first thought that entered my mind when I saw him there. Okay, maybe not the first one, which was probably "OH BLOODY HELL, WHERE'D HE COME FROM!" but you get the point.

"Sorry, mate, wasn't watching where I was going," he smiled down at me. Is that amusement I see in his eyes? Did he think getting knocked down like a bowling pin was _amusing?_

Well, now I'm confused. _I_ hit _him!_ Why is he apologizing? Mental, this one is.

"But…but I hit you!" I frowned at him. Wait a minute! "Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you alright? I was just so distracted, and I turned around without thinking! I had no idea, I'm such a klutz! Does it hurt?" I started wiping off the dirt on his robes and babying him, because I really did feel bad! I just almost killed the guy!

He went suddenly stiff and stared at me like I was a three headed dog. I frowned, was it my hair?

"Uhh, what are you doing, mate? Why are you touching me?" He asked me cautiously as he went to take a step back.

Mate? What in the name of…oh.

My hands moved off his chest (err…robes) like lightning and my eyes became saucers. I'm pretty sure my face started resembling a shiny red stoplight, and everything just got incredibly awkward.

Of course this would be the moment that I got to soak in just how pretty this bloke was. He had this sandy hair that reached down to cover his eyes a bit. It looked like he tried to keep it neat, but since it went down to his ears it almost seemed to…float. He was pretty thin, and quite tall. His eyes were a pale blue, and they were currently filled with surprise and…fright?

Ahh, I was staring again!

Bugger.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I just _freaked_ out! I wasn't trying to touch you! I mean—I _was_ touching you, but I had no ulterior motives! You just had some dirt from when I socked you with my trolley, and I just wanted to help!" I started backing away, completely forgetting that my trolley was currently standing by this bloke.

He seemed to visibly relax, which resulted me letting out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

Then he raised an eyebrow. Such a nice eyebrow. Ahh, stop thinking that, Lily! I mean Leo…or do I still call my inner thoughts Lily? This is getting confusing.

"No worries, mate. Just threw me off there for a moment." Suddenly both of his eyebrows skyrocketed. "Nice sock." He snickered.

That's right. He _snickered._

I stared down at my foot. Oh. I suppose Abby and I didn't think buying male socks would be important, because shoes would just be covering them anyways. I currently had on my purple pair with cartoon flying pigs frolicking around and winking at me.

Eeek!

"Uh…t-thanks." I sputtered out while trying to control my blush.

So not manly.

"So, what happened to your shoe?" He asked amusedly.

I'm not sure if I liked this change of pace. I want him to go back to being afraid of me.

"Oh…heh, funny story," I mumbled. "Well, not really. I mean, it's not a story and it's definitely not funny. But…well…I stepped on a piece of gum." Like I said, I'm a horrible liar, so why lie about this? My mind was going blank.

I hung my head and waited for the laughter.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised when he just chuckled and glanced at my trolley. Both eyebrows raised as he turned back to me, "So, you going to Hogwarts?"

Gobsmacked.

Yes, that is the adjective used to describe my face at the moment. How did he…?

Was this part of Abby's prank? Or does this platform really exist…is it possible? How does he _know?_

Catching on to my incredulous look, the bloke motioned to my trolley. Oh. Trunk and owl. That might give it away….

This means that Platform 9 ¾ _must_ exist! Amazing!

He was staring at me as if it was my turn to add to the conversation, and it took me a minute to realize that he asked a question. Sheesh, small talk sure does take up some energy.

"Oh, Hogwarts, yes!" I cried, "I'm going to Hogwarts with all of the other boys like me!"

I just lied successfully! It felt really good to say it out loud. I kind of want to do it again. So I did.

After I repeated myself, this blonde bloke seemed to look a little irked. I can't say I'm surprised, I was coming off a little odd. Time to save my reputation.

I threw out a nice little man snort and scratched my jaw like I've seen my dad do before. Almost like my facial hair couldn't control itself because it was just too macho.

"So…" I looked expectantly at him. As if I was expecting him to take my cue and change the subject.

His eyes lit up with understanding. Ah, I think I might like this bloke.

"I also attend Hogwarts! My name is Remus. Remus Lupin," he smiled warmly and held out a hand for me to shake.

Oh shit.

I stared at his hand in complete horror for a moment. A handshake! Abby and I never practiced a _hand shake!_ In France, girls never have to _shake_ hands. We just kind of hold them out while boys kiss them. I couldn't very well make Remus kiss my hand! Twenty minutes as a boy and I was already going to screw up!

Remus seemed to notice my unease, so he cleared his throat while he started to withdraw his hand.

Ahh, so help me Merlin, I'm going in!

I stepped forward and grabbed onto Remus's hand as if it was the last banana on earth and I was a monkey who hadn't eaten in a year.

Well, actually, I suppose that's not a good simile. You can't actually grab a banana too hard, or it will burst. And if I was a monkey who hadn't eaten in a year…I'd be dead. No, I was definitely clinging to Remus's hand like a lifejacket. Or a hand.

It took me a moment to realize that I couldn't just hold the hand…I also had to shake it.

Eh, might as well give it a try. I moved my hand up and down. By Merlin, Remus's hand followed! It's just like I always thought it would be! Up and down. Up and down. Squeeze his hand; up and down. I tried squeezing, then moving. Then squeezing _and_ moving at the same time.

"Erm…are you alright?"

I was so busy watching my first handshake like a proud mum that I didn't notice it was lasting _way_ longer than the average amount of time a usual handshake lasts.

"Yes!" I squeaked, breaking contact and stuffing both of my hands into my pockets. "Sorry…erm…" Excuse? Excuse? Excuse? I like touching hands? No, too creepy. I have a disease where I zone out when I make skin to skin contact? Eh, too weird. I…I… "I'm from France!" Yes, good one! I _am_ from France! Wait…how does _that_ explain anything?

Facepalm.

Remus stared at me for a moment before understanding dawned on his face. What, he's finally realized what an idiot I am?

"Oooh, right! You kiss cheeks in France instead of shaking hands!" He seemed to almost blush at the statement.

By golly, he just gave me the perfect excuse!

"Yes! Yes, of course. That's exactly it! So, Remus," I looked down at my watch, "we have about five minutes before the train leaves. Mind helping me find this blasted platform?"

"Sure, uhh," Remus scrunched his forehead together in thought for a second, "you haven't told me your name yet."

"Oh, of course!" I put on my most charming smile. "It's great to meet you, Remus. I'm Lil—" I broke off into a sudden hacking/coughing fit. Merlin! I forgot I'm a boy again! "Ah, sorry about that. I'm…Leo. Leo Evans!"

I offered my hand with a twinge of excitement filling my stomach at the prospect of performing another handshake.

Remus just chuckled and shook my hand (it only lasted two seconds this time, I noticed with a frown.)

"Sure thing, mate. It's right this way. I'll introduce you to my mates on the train, you'll love them." Remus smiled, then turned around.

He was heading straight towards a brick wall.

Maybe this bloke wasn't exactly as sane in the head as I had once thought.

**A/N: Completely not where I thought this chapter was heading. I'm not sure if I showed Remus's personality enough or not, but they'll definitely be more to come. I know I promised Marauders this chapter…but it was just getting too long! I figured one can satisfy your hunger for now. =] I know my writing style is clearly different from your average novel, but I really enjoy writing in the "this is exactly what is going through Lily's head right now" way.**

**Also, this is obviously not cannon. Lily's personality is way different than J.K. has portrayed her, so I'm making the story my own. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Thanks for all of the support and reviews, it gives me hope to continue writing,**

**Bunny**


	4. The Art of Attractive Cleaning Supplies

**A/N: I just have one request! Review! Review! Review! Please. This is my first time actually writing and I've only taken like one composition class in 6th grade. I need constructive criticism! If I didn't want anyone to read this, I'd write it in my diary. :) Instead, I'm throwing it out into the world and waiting to see what the world brings back my way.**

**Chapter 4: The Art of Attractive Cleaning Supplies**

Blimey, this bloke is loony.

"Uhh, Remus?" I dragged my trolley as I scurried to follow him. "What are you—"

I was cut off quite suddenly when I had a two second heart attack.

He's gone!

Remus, now to be referred to as Loony, looked over his shoulder to throw me a quick wink before walking _straight into a brick wall._ I'm not even joking, he walked straight through and disappeared!

But...but...but...it's a wall.

A brick wall.

A wall made of _bricks._

Am I the only one not getting this?!

Well, I never claimed to be sane anyways. Here goes nothing!

I cricked my neck from side to side and bounced on the balls of my feet for a moment. Suddenly I got the song "Do You Believe in Magic?" stuck in my head. Well...duh. Of course I believe in magic…but that doesn't mean I don't also believe in brick walls. Very _solid_ brick walls. But I am most definitely not a wuss! I'm dressed as a boy, for Merlin's sake; of course I can run through walls!

Remind me why I'm dressed as a boy, again?

Oh, right.

Women's Rights.

How ironic.

I let out a breath and anchored forward with all of the strength I could muster. Oh Merlin. Please don't die. Please don't die. Please don't die! Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, please get rid of that blister on my heal? That'd be great, Merlin. AHH, _please_ don't die!

One second I'm a nose hair away from a wall of bricks, and the next second I'm _passing through_ it.

Britain is AWESOME!

It's what happened in the third second that through me off. My ear to ear grin of amazement turned into a grimace of immeasurable proportions.

**BAM!**

I swear the kid came out of bloody nowhere.

Well, I'll be damned. No wonder my mom never lets me push the grocery cart in supermarkets. You've got to admit, though, two for two in one day? That takes some skill. Oh Merlin, I think I've killed him! The little pipsqueak isn't moving! I don't think he's even breathing…well that's not good. I abandoned my trolley and rushed over to check for a pulse.

Ten seconds passed by. Still no pulse.

Well _that _can't be good.

"Come on, kid, don't die on me! I can't go to prison for manslaughter, my mom would kill me!" I screeched at the boy as I frantically waited for his pulse to show its darn self.

"I believe the pulse is at the _wrist,_ not the _elbow,_" I heard an amused drawl behind me. Oh. Right. I'm an idiot. I haphazardly stood up and twirled around to glare at the "helpful" voice. I was surprised to see none other than _Loony _again! Well, of course it's Remus! I didn't really expect him to abandon me already, did I? Either that, or maybe he has some fetish about people getting run over by trolleys. He sure has a knack for being around for my finer moments.

"Remus! It worked!" I beamed. "One second the wall is there, then –bam! Next thing you know, you're in this magical place with a huge gleaming train and all these wizards and—oh gosh!" I bent back down to check on the little lad again. He still hadn't moved, but I could faintly make out his chest rising and sinking.

I heard a chuckle behind me before Remus kneeled next to me, and pointed his wand at the boy.

My eyes widened, "Loony! No! You can't hex the poor lad while he's down! That's unjust!" I tried to swat Loony's wand away, but he just dodged my hands and looked at me with a bewildered expression. I splayed my body over the little bugger and prayed to Merlin!

"Loony? What? Merlin, Lee, what's wrong with you, mate? I'm not going to hex him, I'm going to wake him up!" After shoving me off him, he pointed his wand at the boy and muttered a spell.

"Oh." Well, I felt stupid. Of course he wasn't going to hex the boy…. "Hi!" I grinned at the little tike. "My name is Leo, and I'm sorry about that! My trolley got away from me, I hope you're alright!"

The boy looked a little dazed as he stared up at me. He had the cutest light green eyes and freckled, though. I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and bake him cookies. He coughed a bit and stumbled to his feet.

"S'no problem," he muttered before dashing off into the sea of bustling families.

I didn't even get a chance to pinch his cheeks.

"So what's this "Loony" thing about?" Loony inquired as we got to our feet. I have a feeling me calling him insane would not go over well with how I've been acting myself.

"Oh, that? That's,well…that's nothing," I said while gazing around the platform. "So! Shall we?"

"Err, right," Loony glanced at his wristwatch. "We've still got a bit of time before things really pick up around here."

I shifted my weight onto my other hip and glanced around the station. I was never good at this whole "conversation" thing.

"Um...soo...what's your favorite colour?" I asked the first thing that popped into my head. Doh! So stupid, Lily! One second of silence, and you go all preschooler on me?!

Thankfully, Loony was not pertubed by my stupidity. After a quick look to make sure I actually said that, he looked thoughtful. "I'd probably have to say blue. There's something calming about it."

Fair enough.

...Now what? I didn't really realize how cute Loony was before. Now that I had some time to really look, he's kind of adorable. I've never really been one for blonde hair, but he's got these deep, deep, deeeep blue eyes. It was like he was staring into my soul.

Oh wait, he's staring! Which means...I'm staring! Agh!

"Are you alright, Leo?" Loony looked concerned.

"I'm GREAT!" I practically yelled into his face. "Just...uh...um...hey, is it time to load the train yet!?" I spun around and started pushing my trolley so fast, I almost tipped over. I started power walking towards the train like a mom in the grocery store. I looked over my shoulder to see if Loony was following, and saw he was right behind me walking at a leisurely pace.

Damn these short legs crimping my style.

Looking up at the train, I caught how truly magestic the style and red paint was. Hogwarts must be some classy-ass school. Then again, at Beaxbatons we rode a giant, flying carriage to field trips. Surely we aren't out of the rich race.

I looked around the train station and just realized how clearly out of place I was.

Boys.

Everywhere.

_Drools._

Sure there was the odd mom saying good bye to her golden son, but generally it was a bunch of dudes walking around. Dudes talking, dudes loading their trunk, dudes high-fiving, and dudes arguing on which broom has the highest quality these days.

I've never felt so chlaustrophobic. Yet...turned on.

Ew!

That's wrong! That is the _last _thing I need right now! Oh Merlin, don't tell Abby that. Seriously, though, it's so exhilerating being the only teenage girl at the entire station. And yet, I am a superhero with no powers. I just have to stand here and be one of _them!_

"So, what do you like to do, Leo?" Loony interrupted my train of thoughts.

"Oh, Quidditch," I responded while turning around to glance at him _while keeping my trolley on track and not bulldozing anyone!_ "Definitely Quidditch. Quidditch all the time! Eat, Sleep, Quidditch. That's my motto."

Okay. _Stop_ talking. I think he gets the point.

"Oh, that's neat. I played a little bit myself third year. I'm pretty dreadful at it, but Gryffindor really needed a keeper and my mates convinced me. Didn't have the energy to practice all the time, though."

I took this opportunity to look Loony up and down. He sure looked nicely built to me...I noticed myself lingering on his broad shoulders and toned arms.

Yummy. Okay, Lily, shuddup! This is the first "friend" you've made here, and you cannot mess it up by getting attracted to the first male specimen you lay your eyes on! Now _man_ up and practice your strut!

I soon realized that strutting is quite difficult while pushing a trolley. Anyways, onto continuing this conversation. Wait, did he say Gryffindor?

"You're in Gryffindor, Remus?!" My eyes lit up and I turned towards him. "I was reading _Hogwarts, A History_ and Gryffindor seems to be the absolute best!"

"Well, don't let the Slytherins hear you say that," Remus started, "but that's what my house seems to think. Honestly, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff both have their strong qualities, but I'm a Gryffindor at heart."

My will to be in Gryffindor just increased tenfold.

Remus invited me to sit with him and his mates on the train, so we headed aboard. I wove my way through a sea of boys until we happened upon a compartment that was bursting at the seams with noise, explosions, lights, and vibrations. I was in a hurry to get passed it, while Loony (true to his name) stopped right in front of the door. I heard some yelling from inside.

"OI, WORMTAIL! Throw me that firecracker! No, wait, that one! Oh yeah, that's the ticket!"

"Will you get off your broom for one second, Padfoot!? There's not enough room and you're gonna set it on fire!"

"Trust me, mate! Watch the chocolate frogs trying to hop on!"

Remus went to open the door to the compartment, "well, we're here."

A little voice in my head told me to _run, run fast._ However, the mention of a broom kept me strong, plus there's no way Abby would forgive me if I turned back now. I'm not sure if I could forgive myself. I've never been one to turn down a challenge!

The door opened, and I was greeted with smoke, chocolate frogs fleeing the scene, a plethora of sparks, and the smell of something burning.

Oh wait, that's my hair on fire.

**A/N: Sorry, it's literally been _forever_ since I've updated! My thoughts, knowledge, experience, creativity, and everything has changed so much since I started this story! I'm hoping everything will stay true to my first intentions, though. Thank you for reading. :)**


	5. Good Start

**Note: The HolyHead Harpies have not been created yet in my story. One of the main points is that girls have not been allowed to play yet, otherwise they would be Lily's favorite team! :)**

Chapter 5: Good Start

On the train:

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I could do nothing but stare stupidly at my reflection in the window and watch my most prized possession be even _further_ defiled by this horrendously idiotic adventure of mine.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I was panicking. The boys were panicking. The flames were about five inches high and getting dangerously close to my scalp. I grabbed, reached, clawed for anything. Eventually finding something cloth-like and began furiously rubbing my head all over it.

_Bad idea._

"Oi!"

The flames rose even _higher_ from the friction, as did my level of anxiety. I am going to die. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I will be burned alive on a train. I can just see the headlines now.

"_Cross Dresser Lily Evans Smited by Higher Power after Failing to Infiltrate All-Boys School"_

I'm doomed.

I stood mesmerized as the flames engulfed my head and curled around themselves. I knew my time on earth was coming to an end as I started to see a bright light coming towards me. I could see my obituary now: "Lily Evans, burned to death." Ironic, right? A _witch_ being _burned_ to death! Wait.

A witch.

I'M A WITCH!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Not even trying to ignore the burning of my skin or the smell emitting from my hair, I plunged my hand into my pocket and grabbed my wand. Just as I was pointing it towards my head, I felt buckets of ice cold water rush over me. Ice. Cold.

The sharp difference between burning flames and ice cold water is astronomical and cannot be described in any man-made words. Not that I even felt much on my charred skin.

I stood in the middle of the train corridor looking like a soaked cat, shaking like a leaf, and emitting the most horrendous odor I've ever come across in my life.

This is _not _the entrance I had been wanting to make.

Burning hair. Awful smell. Soaked body. Tears streaming down my face. Yet, out of everything happening, all I could think was 'Merlin! They can see my-'

"BOOBS!" I heard shouted throughout the train. This sent me into panic mode. My eyes flashed around the corridor, zoning in on all possible exits. The train shouldn't be moving too fast right now, I could jump it, right?

I started backing away and getting ready to sprint, when I felt a hand clamp onto my upper arm.

Oh no, I've been seized! I'm going to Azkaban! My life is-

"Um, boobs? What are you talking about?" Remus asked as he stared at me questioningly.

Wait. _I_ yelled boobs? _Me?_

Oh.

"Uhm..yeah!" Think, think fast. "Boobs! It's like 'bullocks!' Or 'balls!' Or, ya know…'fuck.'" I whispered the last word and glanced around. Who knows, Grandma Evans could be listening!

Abby would be so proud of me right now.

Remus continued to stare blankly at me, then decided I was too much man for him and let go of my arm.

Cue sigh of relief.

"Right," he muttered while sitting down.

I couldn't focus on anything in the compartment, as all my mind kept thinking was "thank Merlin Abby talked me into getting a huge, padded _man_ coat or my wet boobs would be visible from Idaho right now." I still looked down to make sure, though. All clear.

The numbness was starting to leave my face, and every time I swallowed or moved the _tiniest_ muscle, I just felt searing pain.

"Come here," Remus patted the cushion next to him." I know some healing charms that'll help until we get to the castle."

I blindly obeyed the handsome chap and plopped down next to him. Realizing I was still crying and looking like an absolute fool, I tried to gently wipe away the tears without touching my skin.

Sounds difficult, yes?

"No, no, stop it, mate," Remus hushed as he grabbed my wrist. "Don't worry about that, just let me take care of the skin first.

I bit my tongue to avoid any whimpering that may escape as Remus worked his magic. I felt a warm yet cooling sensation running over my skin. The other mongrels began to chat as Remus kept instructing me which way to turn my head.

Yes, Master. Anything I can do to get back to looking human!

"Oi, mate, you've got some pipes," Remus observed and raised his eyebrows at me. Those bloody _gorgeous_ eyebrows.

"Some _girly_ pipes," another boy muttered before collapsing in a seat by the window. I threw him a little glare to show him I was adequately offended at being compared to the "lesser" gender. He was facing the window, though, so he missed my glare of death.

"I'd like to see how you react to being engulfed in flames," I muttered and began to pout. Actually, he could afford to lose some of the black mop on his head right now. I wonder if there are birds nesting in there?

"Ah, ah, ah!" Remus tsked, "Try not to make too many facial expressions for an hour or so. You need to let the healed skin rest."

I glared at him a little bit just to show that I could, but stopped pouting.

"Alright," Remus sighed and put away his wand. "The skin should be good to go, but you'll have to wait for Madame Pomfrey to fix the hair. Or...what's left of it."

"Ughh," I groaned and hesitantly brought my fingertips to my now barely-existent tuft of hair.

"You can just say you fought a dragon," a small boy quipped from the other side of Remus. He smiled at me and started cleaning up the game of Exploding Snap.

"And lost? Besides, it's already spread around the entire train that my head caught on fire," I slumped in my seat and admitted defeat. I wasn't expecting my reputation to be ruined this early...shouldn't I at least make it to the Castle before being deemed a Squib?!

"I'm Peter, by the way," the small boy offered. "Peter Pettigrew."

"Oh, blimey! My fault, I completely blanked when we came in. Boys, this is Leo Evans," Remus introduced me. "Leo, these are-"

"Leo?" The mophead by the window scoffed. That's right, _scoffed!_ "Like a bloody lion? What the hell kind of name is that?"

Oh boy, he was starting to get on my last nerve!

Would it be bad for me to hex the face off one of the first blokes I met at Hogwarts? Probably.

"And what's your name? Daisy?" I shot back at him. "That makes sense, cause I can see them shooting out of your arse."

The Peter boy chuckled, and I felt a small moment of victory. Until I noticed the mophead glaring daggers out the window.

"That would be James," Remus volunteered, before the devil himself could respond. "James Potter. Don't mind him, he's a little moody in the mornings. And afternoons. And evenings."

How convenient.

I looked next to James and saw a lump passed out, covered by a Puddlemore United throw.

While I immediately respect him for his Quidditch paraphernalia...United's got _nothing_ on the Arrows.

"And this git," Remus roughly nudged the boy, who stirred and started to remove his blanket, "would be-"

"LOVERBOY!"

**A/N: I realize it's been years since I updated. I'm going to reread the other chapters then maybe editing this one. I also realize meeting James should've been more hyped up, but I believe initial attraction is based a lot off of attitude and actions. James was hiding his face, scowling, and overall being an arse.**


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